What Should I Occupy?

By: Jeremy Green

I have an idea…

Occupy a Job Fair
Occupy Monster.com
Occupy a Temp Agency
Occupy a Day Labor Firm

These people claim to be the 99%…of what? All of my close friends get up every day and work their asses off and don’t whine and complain, because we are fortunate to live in a country where hard work can equal success, no matter your background. Everyone thinks they are entitiled to a job but aren’t willing to work hard for it. Simply graduating from college doesn’t mean you should be given a job. Work hard year after year, decade after decade, like so many people do, and I guarantee your loans will be paid off, and you will be able to effect a lot more change than you can protesting.

What is a Debt Ceiling?

Very Complex Debt Ceiling Graph

With all the talk about America and its financial woes, we here at stupid answers found it pertinant to define what it is the media is talking about. Personally, it is probably some crap that doesn’t change anything and never mattered in the first place. However, ‘terror’ is the media’s new scheme to keep viewers tuned in, which helps with ratings. So, America’s financial woes may actually be paying off for someone— the media. Dang, this sound like Rupert Murdock owns our media empires.

We are getting off track. Let’s first look at the root of each word in ‘Debt Ceiling.” American heritage Dictionary defines the word debt as something owed, such as money, goods, or services.

An obligation or liability to pay or render something to someone else.
The condition of owing: a young family always in debt.

An offense requiring forgiveness or reparation; a trespass.

I think we can all agree the term ‘debt’ would be a negative or a downward trend. In our banking programs it would have a minus symbol and be fiery red, designating a loss or a number less than zero.

Secondly, lets define the word ‘ceiling.’ Ceilings are the overhead, interior surface of a structure. Again, we can all agree a ceiling is up, it is the top of a room, it is the highest point of a given place. Moving back to financial comparisons, your ceiling would be in the black, it would be profit.

So, to give you an answer that is not quite so stupid. The debt ceiling is ZERO. Aaaannnnddd, the term ‘Debt Ceiling’ is more stupid than this answer. The phrase should be debt floor, or debt foundation or debt fill dirt–something that indicates it is at the top of a negative, not the top of top something.

The only people that should be able to use the term ‘debt ceiling,’ are people who live in some parallel universe in the reflection of a lake.

(For you really stupid people, that would mean the reflection would be upside down, hence, the ceiling would be on the bottom.)

I know this makes no sense, but I don’t care.  After all, you’re the idiot who read this whole blog entry!

Who is the “Man with the Golden Voice?”

What a great story to hear.  This story of a homeless man holding a sign and becoming another internet sensation.  Thank you youtube.  Well “The Man with the Golden Voice” is named Ted Williams.  He is a homeless man from New York, who now is supposedly doing Cleveland Cavalier’s announcing duties, but is now also in rehab.  Whhhaaaattt…a homeless man recovering from drug use. This is shocking.  And what better to help a recovering addict, than to throw him instantly into the limelight.  Ahhh, the media…oh how I love thee.

But really who is he. Who is this Ted Williams?  Who is this “Man with the Golden Voice?”  Well, let’s look at his attributes and link them to another person in the limelight:

1.  Ted Williams has an amazing speacking voice, yet, reads mostly what other’s write.

2.  Ted Williams looks to be of African American decent, with potentially a hint of Asian thrown in.

3.  He is a Democrat.  How do I know this? Well, he is homeless and probably loves government incentives. soooo…badda bing badda boom.

4.  Ted Williams has a great smile.

And finally, Ted Williams is a man of HOPE.  He is the absolute meaning of YES WE CAN.  Ted has received the AMERICAN DREAM.  Ted Williams is (drumroll please)……………………

BARACK OBAMA’S FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Just look at these pictures and tell me you are not 100% convinced.  BAM..stupid answers rocks and we are legit.

Barack Obama and His DAD

What is the United States Government Efficient at doing?

Though I deal directly with local and state government more than national government, I ask this question to raise questioning on all government.  To give credit, where credit is due, our military is hands down the BEST IN THE WORLD in the combat arena.  Yet, they are not good on spending or in business relations.  Outside that, the following list gives a pretty complete rundown of our ‘efficient’ government.  Our government is efficient at:

1.  Spending tax payer money on gin martinis, girlfriends boob jobs, and elaborate food for stupid functions.  I mean think about the dollar amount DC spends specifically on food at their dumbass “Insert Any and I mean Any Name” Ball.

2.  The government officials are ‘efficient’ at cheating on their wives.  The Carolina’s are expecially good at this. 

3.  Botox—all you have to do is look at Pelosi’s face.  That is your tax money people and making a scary woman even scarier.

4.  Vacations.  Come on and jump on this thought train—Obama has traveled to more than 24 countries, meaning at least one country a month.  This does not include domestic travel.  Some say he is working, but I have gone on business trips too, and you work half the time—the rest is fun.

5. Wasting time.  We are sooo over governmentalized its unbelievable.  For an example, you need something reviewed by A OFFICE in government, but your reviewer is reviewed by a reviewer, who is reviewed by a boss, who has to check with another department, who doesn’t know about what is being requested, so they ask a third department who denies your request, because they don’t know what to do with what was sent to them, by a department which is not who you submitted too.

Wrap your head around that one people!!!! It’s a brain beater.

6.  And Finally, and most obvious. Blue suits.  If I see one more blue suit in congress…I’ll…I’ll…well, I don’t know what I will do, but it won’t be good.

So, there you have it.  Government is THE example of efficient, just like George W. was a good speaker.

What does “Seacrest Out” mean?

Seacrest Out

To most people ‘Seacrest Out” is JUST Ryan Seacrest’s signature good bye and good night slang.  However, having a BS Psychology and a Doctorate in Why Hollywood Stars are Whacko, we see this slogan differently.  When “Seacrest Out” is expressed we see pain in those midget eyes.  “Seacrest Out” is really a cry for help.  It is a suicide note that needs to be addressed.  I mean the dude makes $40 million a year, he must be depressed.  Stupid Answers OUT! 

Note:  We also want to steal the line. Sooooo, if he is crazy, it will be easier to adopt.

Now what Mr. Dodson? What is next for this vigilante of homeboy rapists?

Antione Dodson became an overnight Internet sensation after he was interviewed by the local news after saving his sister from an alleged rapist who broke into their home. After the incident Mr. Dodson challenged the attacker through a poignant slur of jargon by informing the attacker that he can “run and tell that” to the homeboy who broke into their home because he didn’t have to confess, due to the fact that Mr. Dodson and the police were looking for him and they were going to find him and then again informed the attacker that he could “run and tell that” to the homeboy. He also verbally jabbed the attacker by telling him that he “was so dumb” and that he had his T-shirt, fingerprints and description, and again repeated that he didn’t have to come and confess because they were going to find him and presumably, as I interpreted it, bring him to justice. Also, Mr. Dodson in what seemed to be out of respect for his community, informed the rest of the residents in the area that this attacker was climbin in peoples windows tryan to snatch your people up so ya’ll need to hide your kids, wife and whatever else that might not be firmly affixed to any of the interior or exterior structure of their homes. After the incident, Mr. Dodson’s popularity skyrocketed after a group calling themselves the Gregory Brothers created an R&B song of the interview. With all of this attention Mr. Dodson has become a national sensation which led us here at Stupid Answers to Great Questions ask the question, “Now what Mr. Dodson? What is next for this vigilante of homeboy rapists?”

After a brief and I mean extremely brief interview with Mr. Dodson, we have found out he now has plans to become a contract killer of homeboy rapists and attackers who climb in peoples windows and snatch people up. “After the attack, I realized that I have this 6^th sense to run to danger and kick the sh***t out of anyone who climbs up in windows and doors trying to rape anything that moves” exclaimed Mr. Dodson. “I mean I don’t care if it’s the 25 year old with coffee brown skin with ceasar haircuts or the 90 year old grandma strung out on weed and Quaaludes, if theys trying to rape anyone, theys going to get jacked up” said Dodson.  Even though Dodson may have a natural impulse to save people from danger, where the mind is willing the body is weak. He is currently enrolled in the Boondock Saints school for vigilante justice in Cochituate, MA which is about an hour outside of Boston. “Even though I aint sceared of homeboy rapists, I realized that my homeboy rapist ass kicking skillz are not where theys needs to bees, I called the Saints and asked if I could run wit dem for a few months and kind of learn the tricks of the trade” explained Dodson. “I mean if I had any skillz, that homeboy mother f***er would have not gotten away. That’ll change though, the Saints will get me where I need to be.”

Once Dodson’s homeboy rapist killing training is complete, he plans on launching a marketing campaign that will inform homeboy rapists across the nation of his intentions so they can run and tell that to whomever or whatever they run and tell that to. “I’s plans on making a homeboy rapist killing uniform that I can wear anytime I have to kill a homeboy rapist” Dodson said. It almost sounds like Dodson is going to become a real life Batman like character, but without the bats and crazy car. However, Dodson plans on cruising the mean streets of Huntsville in his tricked out ice cream truck that will play the intruder song tune. “When that songs is blastin from my speakers, that will let the homeboy rapists knows I’m comin and that everyone needs to hide their wife, kids, poodles, sheeps or anything else that can be subject to a homeboy raping” shouted Dodson. Dodson went on to explain that the uniform, truck and alter ego will help separate himself from his normal everyday Clark Kent type lifestyle. He explained that it was important for him to not lose his true self in the midst of his homeboy rapist killings.

Dodson, also plans on creating a not-for-profit wife and kid hiding community center where when the homeboy rapists get out of hand with their rapings and beatings, people can bring their wife and kids to the center to be hidden during all of the commotion. “It’s just a place where wife and kids can get away just in case things get out of hand during my homeboy rapist killings” explained Dodson. The center will also hold classes one night a week that will teach people in the community how to hide their wives and kids from homeboy rapists if they can’t make it to the community center in time. In these classes, they are taught to hide wives and kids in places that a homeboy rapist my not look, for example, the pantry is a primary hiding spot. Because of the homeboy rapists rabid, insaciable appetite for illegal, forced, unconsentual sex the last thing on their mind is food and therefore the pantry is a good place to hide. Dodson explained that theoretically the refrigerator would be an even better spot, but because of the cold temperatures and lack of oxygen it would not be an environment condusive for the survival of wives in kids. “We would kind ofs bees defeating the purposes of saving our wives and kids if wees suggested that for a hiding spot” Dodson said with a homeboy killing grin.

With a recent statistical spike in the national homeboy rapist rapings there is a market for contract homeboy rapist killers. “It’s something that we need to get under control” said U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder. “It’s not only affected our economy and my popularity numbers, but I’m sure it’s got to be mind bottling for the victims too, we have got to get a handle on these homeboy rapists” said President Barrack Obama. “I already have enough to deal with from this oil spill to my intense vacation schedule, I don’t need this homeboy rapist thing to get out of hand”.  Therefore it seems as though our nation would welcome more Antione Dodson’s into this world.

Why Did My Boyfriend Break Up with Me? And How do I get Him Back?

Women and girls of all ages have relationship issues.  When a relationship ends on the boyfriend’s timing, the girlfriend does one of three things.  First, she cries her eyes out and complains to her friends, until even they can’t take it anymore.  Second, she is relieved, do to the fact that she wanted the relationship to end a long time ago, yet, she did not have the “balls” to do it.  Thirdly, the betrothed girlfriend asks two questions.’Why did my boyfriend break up with me’, and ‘How can I get Him back?’  The answers to the first half of the question are as follows:

1. Your ass IS fat.

2. Your more annoying than you can imagine

3. He thought your baby fat would evenually go away… It hasn’t.

4. He thought you would have a decent job after you got that college degree…you don’t.

5. Your a woman and your place is in the kitchen, but your cooking skills are less than par.

6. Confidence is fine line between being prideful and complaining about your nonexistant love handles.  Quit complaining that your fat, and start walking around the house naked.

7. Your driving is horrendous.  Not really that important, but we needed a really pointless answer.

8.  Those botox shots make you have an angry face.

9.  The closet is full of 243 pairs of your shoes, yet 5 motorcycle parts in the garage drives you nuts.

10.  You don’t drink beer.  Remember beer is a big reason this relationship started in the first place.

11.  You’re too skinny. Yeah, thats right—your skin looks like its draped over bones and two balloons.  The implants don’t  look good on a skeleton, eat a steak for god’s sake.

12.  Substance during conversation IS important.  I can’t take all this stupid talk about the housewives, those idiots from Jersey, or some dancing noname.

13.  You listen to Justin Beiber…aaaannnddd you say things about him in your sleep…aaaaannnddd your 30.

Now to the second part of the question, ‘How do I get Him Back?’  The answer being—you don’t.  Move on.  Make a cake. Buy a puppy.  Watch an old Hepburn film.  Call your ex-exboyfriend.  Just quit calling me.

Why do Soccer Players always act like they are hurt?

After watching 10+ games of the 2010 World Cup, I have noticed players flopping around after getting nipped in the shins, several times a game. The answer is simple on this one. Soccer players are a bunch of whiny, complaining pussies. There you have it.

WHY IS GREECE IN DEBT?

Greece is Broke!

In order to see why Greece is in debt, and officially working over the Euro, we must look at the daily routine of the average, young Greek man.

The Greek man wakes up around 9:30, but may sleep in until 11am. This all depends on how late they stayed out the night before. And yes, they do go out EVERY night. When a Greek man wakes up, his morning consists of smoking a cigarrette, going to the cafe, drinking a cup of coffee, smoking another cigarrette, talking smack about the Albanians, drinking another cup of coffee, smoking another cigarrette, sitting while looking as cool as possible, smoking another cigerette, waiting for their buddies to show up, thinking about lunch, and smoking another cigarrette.

The young Greek man then walks to his mother’s house to eat lunch. This is where he eats amazing food, talks to his mother about the fantastic weather, and heads back home soon after he finishes lunch. The reason he leaves so quickly is because it is now naptime.

After sleeping for a solid two hours, the young Greek man heads to the beach and lays in the sun, while drinking a cold beer with his friends and a couple young ladies. They hang out for a couple hours and talk about how awesome the club was last night and which club is going to be amazing later in the night to come. Of course all this is done while smoking as many cigarettes as humanly possible. The friends then say goodbye, but not for long, because they will be at the club together in a couple hours.

This is all followed by eating, more cigarrettes, laughing, arguing, laughing at arguing, arguing about laughing , and of course, agreeing that Greeks are the creators of everything on the planet. Young Greek men then proceed to the club.

Other activities that are thrown in during the week of a young Greek man include playing soccer, watching soccer, being amazed at soccer, shopping, a second nap, texting, arguing about politics, arguing about women, arguing about stuff, and arguing about nothing.

So, Greece is in debt do to the country not owning their own cigerette factory and lack of male production in the work force.

WHAT IS SO FASCINATING ABOUT THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY?

Seriously, what is so fascinating about The Cheesecake Factory? My wife and I stopped in on Valentine’s Day after dinner to grab a slice of cheesecake To-Go and the place was a freaking zoo! First, I had to drop my wife off to run in and get in line because I couldn’t find a parking spot within a half mile of the place. You would have thought Michael Jackson rose up from the dead and was holding a concert inside.

Once I parked and met her inside we waited about 15 minutes at the To-Go area to snag a slice of Chocolate Coconut cheesecake. That’s when I thought I was going to die. I was getting pelted by heart shaped balloons, everyone was fixated on their iPhones and Blackberries, and my precious white Nike’s were being trampled over like a 90 year old woman on crutches during the running of the bulls. Plus, I couldn’t even hear myself think it was so loud in there.

The cheesecake was good, I will give them that. But, the food? Well, the food in my opinion is mediocre at best. Just awful! That’s probably because their menu is bigger than my senior yearbook. How in the world can they serve fresh, halfway decent food when they have to stock a thousand different items daily? They must have an underground fridge the size of the governor’s mansion or something.

Truth is, The Cheesecake Factory is always slammed, and I don’t know why. Personally, I have never been there without having to wait at least than an hour for a table. No way am I going to sit there and wait in the circus lobby for mediocre food. Easily, you would have to plan out 3 hours minimum to eat at this place. Forget that noise!

The only credit I will give The Brutalcake Factory goes to the host and hostesses. They seriously must have some sort of degree in logistics to run that place and get people seated. I would be interested to see what the turn over rate for that position is. There has to be a new crop coming and going every month. Just too much stress to deal with. I know I could only take so much of hundreds of people staring at me every night and getting cranky while they wonder when their buzzer is going to vibrate.

Sad thing is, once the buzzer vibrates all they have to look forward to is thumbing through a novel to decide what’s for dinner and eating a less than average meal.

But, the cheesecake is good.



WHAT IS THE TEA PARTY MOVEMENT?

Tea Party

According to wikipedia, the Tea Party movement is a United State Conservative and libertarian protest movement that raises the concern that corporate america has control over certain people and they listen to made up stories which emerged in early 2009 partially in response to the federal government’s stimulus package and health care plan.

The movement originated in anti-tax protests and arose in response to the increase in the national debt as a result of the stimulus package, as well as the reaction to increases in home mortgage foreclosures despite TARP bailout money paid to the banks.

The tea party has stolen its name from ‘the real’ Boston Tea Party, which we all learned about in 5th grade.  For all you idiots out there who didn’ t pay attention to Ms. Franklin; basically a bunch of people dressed up as Indians, sorry, Native Americans and threw tea into the Boston Harbor. 

Many argue this tea party movement will have an impact on politics, not seen in current times.  This is far from the truth and further from the reason people start the Tea Party Movement.  That reason is pirates!

That’s right people– pirates are the reason for the Tea Party movement.  Well, pirates and colonial dress.  I mean the attire worn is pretty friggin sweet at these stupid events.  Indian outfits are cool, but pirate outfits just rock.  Some outfits actually made Johnny Depp jealous.  People argue its the politics, its not, its pirates.  I mean, who doesn’t like dressing up like a pirate.  ARRRRRGGGHH! Quick, fetch me a parrot and my wood leg—-wench!

DID HE GO TO JARED’S?

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. So are the cheesy, retarded jewelry commercials.

There I was watching “The Bachelor – On the Wings of Love” and this Kay Jewelers commercial begins with a couple looking out of the living room window in a huge, secluded cabin watching a low budget thunderstorm pass through. All of the sudden a lightning bolt crashes and the woman jumps and falls into the arms of her lover, to which he replies “It’s OK, I’m right here…..and I always will be.” Then he pulls out this ‘Love’s Embrace’ necklace and she absolutely melts all over the floor. The woman wraps her arms around him and looks him deep in the eyes and says “Don’t let go…..ever!”

The necklace starts at $79.99. Really? That makes you melt, lady?

Notice the title of that video – “Every Kiss begins with…Stab!” That is precisely what I was thinking as I watched this commercial. First of all, that storm they were weathering was pretty intense. Nice job by the production crew, I was totally scared for them. Second, nice cabin, dude. Third, nice hair, duuuuude. Fourth, why the hell are you standing by a huge window during a thunderstorm? If you are at a remote cabin surrounded by trees during a severe thunderstorm that is the last place you should be, unless you want to personally greet the pine tree that is about to come crashing through after a bolt of lightning splits it in half! This commercial is sketchy on so many fronts that I was honestly waiting for Jason to pop out waiving a chainsaw at them. That would have been fitting.

There are some other cheesy jewelry commercials out there, like this one from JCPenney. But, without a doubt, Jared’s Jewelers take top honors for the most retarded commercials. We’ve all seen their commercials, and who can forget the famous slogan “He went to Jared!” This funny spoof on the famous commercials proves how over the top and out of hand this slogan has gotten. And, with all the cheesy, poorly acted commercials in their portfolio, it makes me kind of question their credibility. The fact that “He went to Jared’s” has become such a laughable phrase makes me wonder what kind of response a guy gets when he gives his lady friend a piece of jewelry in a Jared’s box?

Does she chuckle? Do a double take?

Does she say “OMG, you went to Jared…hahahaha”?

Why does Jared’s continue to use this slogan in such cheesy ways? If this perception is true, isn’t that kind of degrading your own product, Jared?

Let’s spin it this way for a moment – women would probably be less inclined to shop at a hardware store that aired commercials portraying them as bumbling and insecure when buying a power tool for their man, then glorifying the purchase by showing her man tapping beer bottles with his gay buddies who all wish she was their girl because she got him a cordless drill and a set of drill bits.

To that effect, it’s not the quality of the product at Jared’s — I should know, they have some of my money. Rather, the marketing of the product at Jared’s is what is backwards. Their marketing campaign is so damn cheesy that it makes us guys think twice about stepping foot into their stores. I admit, I was hesitant at first. It got better after they offered me a free bottle of spring water.

They need to turn it around so that women will think men shop at Jared’s because we know what were doing and we know what we want (even though we really don’t), not because they are the last resort. “He went to Jared’s” is the universal confession that men procrastinate their asses off and have no where else to turn when they’re under pressure. Unfortunate, but true.

Besides, if I feel uncomfortable watching a Jared’s commercial with my wife and we both end up laughing when its over, you know there is something wrong and they can’t be taken seriously.

Then again, the mere fact that this post exists is proof that cheesy marketing by jewelry companies is working.

We just haven’t figured out if it’s working in their favor or not.

___________________________________________________

P.S. Here is the poem that is used to market the ‘Loves Embrace’ necklace:

While the world may change at a hectic pace

Were safe and secure in loves embrace

Its gentle arms will keep us warm

And carry us through the coldest storm

And hold us close for all of time

Cherished and adored in a love sublime

Two hearts as one in a perfect place

Wrapped forever in love’s embrace

…I’m speechless

Is Santa Claus a Republican or a Democrat?

Santa Claus

By: Dickey T

The initial argument here is that Santa Claus is a Republican.  He wears a bright RED suit!  That in itself must prove he is on the Red side. Not to mention he is fat as an elephant.  The elephant is the symbol of the Republican Party.  And lastly, Santa and Rush Limbaugh are roughly the same weight.  That makes three indicators, that he is republican.

On the other hand, Santa does ‘hand out,’ gifts, and giving hand outs is a known trait of the Democrats.   Santa is also the leader over the elves—aahh, sorry—little people.   He is also against Global warming.  If the North Pole melts, Santa and Mrs. Claus are homeless.

HOWEVER…..Santa DOES NOT fly on private jets, (well he kind of does). Santa DOES NOT fly to Argentina to cheat on Mrs. Claus, (well he might, have you seen those female helpers at the mall). Santa DOES NOT give more toys to those who bribe him with oil money, (do cookies count)?  Santa DOES NOT take extremely long vacations why the rest of work hard all year, (he really only works one day a year). Santa DOES NOT surround himself with other men dressed in suits, (back to the elves). Santa DOES NOT put you in debt because of material greed, (presents)! Santa DOES NOT look you in the eye and ask you what you want and then sneak in your back door and give you what he thinks you should have, (wait a second).

HOLY CRAP—Santa is a politician, except he has bridged the divide and is fooling all of us.  Santa isn’t Republican or Democrat. He’s a Dictator of huge proportions!

UPDATE: WHERE IS TIGER WOODS?

(drum roll begins)…

And now, we bring to you the TOP 10 answers to the great question “Where is Tiger Woods?”

Zipping around on the Virgin Galactic Spaceship

Tiger has the cash and Space is an excellent place to get away from it all, so why not be an Astronaut for a few months? I am sure Richard Branson offered Tiger a few months free rent on his super lush private island, Necker, but Tiger said, “nah, I want to orbit around the planet that I dominate.” Despite reports of undergoing sex rehab, Tiger still finds a way to be cocky.

The Sizzler

With a possible divorce settlement worth millions on the horizon, TW is being proactive by testing out some thrifty dining establishments when the time comes to fend for himself. We all know his go-to for breakfast is IHOP, and with a $9.99 Steak and endless salad bar meal deal I believe The Sizzler could take top honors for Dinner. Golden Corral isn’t bad either, but can be hit or miss sometimes.

The Desert of Dubai

Since TW has a golf course project in Dubai, I figure he could be somewhere in the desert of the United Arab Emirates. While offering peace and quiet, the desert also gives TW an opportunity to work on his sand game. Well played, Tiger, you prefectionist S.O.B.!

Overdosed on Ambien

Speculation of Ambien abuse has led me to believe that Tiger may be face down somewhere counting sheep. Or, better yet, maybe the makers of Ambien brought him into the lab for some new product testing? ZZZZZZZZZ…..

Working at Medieval Times

Well, if you have to hide then why not hide behind some flashy chain mail? Plus, you can joust against other Knights, ride horses, and eat some tasty turkey legs afterwards. If I were the King, though, I would keep an eye on the Princess. I hear that Red & Black Knight is quite the renaissance man.

Area 51

You’d be hard pressed to find a more secure, tight lipped locale than Area 51 in Roswell, New Mexico. Tiger has always been touted as being “superhuman”, so maybe this is a home away from home for him?

Haiti

Tiger has always been a giving man, just ask his mistresses. But, when it comes to charity, TW just can’t resist getting involved. It’s very possible that Tiger has traded his riches for some rags and is peddling around Haiti helping pass out food and TigerAde to the earthquake victims.

Remote Buddhist Monastery

Tiger has always been a student of Buddhist teachings, given his mother is from Thailand. So, maybe he is at some remote Buddhist camp sitting Indian style eating rice and reflecting on his transgressions. Ohmmmmmmm…..

Fargo, North Dakota

Fargo? Seriously? Why would anyone want to go to Fargo, North Dakota?

My point exactly! It’s the dead of winter and what better way to get away from everyone than go somewhere where nobody wants to visit!

Snooki’s Basement

Tiger heard Snooki has a thing for guys with big muscles who like to fist pump and get crunk in hot tubs, and she heard he has a thing for chicks that wind up on sleazy reality shows. This is a win-win for both, and we all know Tiger loves winning!

WHERE IS TIGER WOODS?

By: Rooney
As we are all aware Tiger Woods has managed to completely fall off the face of the earth after revealing multiple “transgressions” following his unfortunate late night car accident on Thanksgiving 2009. So many questions and so few answers have followed this strange situation, and it is mind boggling to think how Tiger has managed to stay hidden in a society over populated with paparazzi and whistle blowers. Thus, it begs the question “Where is Tiger Woods and why can’t we find him?”

We here at “SATGQ” think that there are WAYYYYY to many theories and guesses regarding Tiger’s whereabouts. That said, we want to open up the soapbox to you, our handful of loyal readers, and see what crazy and ridiculous ideas or guesses you can come up with.

This is your best chance to weigh in on this bizarre topic. Just comment with your answer and we will post the TOP 10 at the end of the week for everyone to enjoy!

C’mon give it your best shot!!!