23 01 2009

By: Rooney
This question has plagued me for quite some time now. I think about all the interesting places for a weekend getaway or a long vacation that people have to choose from – hiking through the
Grand Canyon, skiing in the Rocky Mountains, lounging on a beach in the Caribbean, losing your entire life savings in Vegas. So, why in the hell does anyone want to go on an Alaskan cruise?

Last I checked you don’t want to be on a large vessel close to falling ice and mountainous glaciers. Am I right? I think back through history to a particular cruise ship – the S.S. Titanic. What a grand ship she was. The Titanic was the largest and fastest cruise liner of her time, and her creators guaranteed her to be indestructible. But, we all know the fate of the Titanic and how she sank to darkest depths of the ocean thanks to a bumbling piece of ice that rested so elegantly in her sea path. And, since that dreadful accident occurred, you would think that no one would ever want to be around floating glaciers in a boat of any size ever again. It’s just too risky, dammit!

Now, as I lay around after a long day at work and stare at the television before me, I often see advertisements for week long Alaskan cruises and think to myself “Who in their right mind would want to go navigating around Alaskan shores for a week?” I mean, what is so interesting about being on a boat surrounded by snow and ice falling into the water right outside your cabin? That would scare the crap out of me. I would literally run out of underwear in 2 days. But, the ads typically show some old couple in their London Fog jackets cuddling on their balcony suspended over the frigid water laughing and smiling at large chunks of ice “gracefully” falling into the water. I’m here to tell you, there is nothing about that advertisement that makes me want to dial up my travel agent the next morning and book an Alaskan cruise. The only thing that ad makes me want to do is slap old people that take cruises for fun.

My message is this – taking an Alaskan cruise is about as smart as breathing water. Think before you act and plan a trip to somewhere cold and deadly. There are many inviting and exotic locales that will soothe your soul much greater than a cruise through Alaska’s liquid terrain peppered with buried mines of ice. Most importantly, don’t hang out with old people, because you never know what kind of predicament they might get you into. I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be paddling around through icy waters in an inflatable raft, would you?


Alaskan Cruises Suck!




2 responses

23 01 2009

Something to ponder….If you are hanging out with old people on a terrifying Alaskan Cruise I’m sure they’ll have enough Oops I crapped my pantes for you to borrow….well maybe not borrow, I guess that would be something that you would probably only use once.

7 04 2011

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