13 01 2010

By: S. Andrews
What a crazy month in college football! First Tim Tebow cries like a baby after a thrashing from Alabama (which eventually went on to claim the National Championship). Then his coach Urban Myer resigns, then changes his mind then flip flops about his decision more than a hungry pregnant woman. Next, Texas quarterback Colt McCoy is knocked out of the Championship game after the first series, on a hit that didn’t seem all too bad leaving a true freshman quarterback to play his first game for National Championship against the nations #1 defense Now, Lane Kiffin gives Tennessee the ole Bobby Petrino screw job and leaves for USC after just 14 months in the toothless rocky top town of Knoxville.

So what gives? Why did Kiffin scram from the inbred hills of Rocky Top for the topless beaches of SO-CAL? Was it because his recruiting hostesses looked more like his offensive line than a like an army of hot college co-eds? Was it because of the licking he took from the Gators after months of pre-season smack talk?

Nope, it’s none of these; the real reason Kiffin jumped ship to USC is because of the Cocaine. Seriously it’s SO-CAL people, the place where your wildest fantasies come true. The place where college quarterbacks party like rock stars with real rock stars who………wait for it…….like to dabble with the nose candy.  It’s the place where you can play 60 minutes of football and then frequent parties where strippers and kangaroos are a way of life, not an anomaly.

Just stop and think about it, would you rather coach players who get in trouble for robbing a convenience store on a lazy Friday night or coach players who get in trouble for snorting a kilo of cocaine while making out with 2 hot models in front of a dozen midgets (sorry….little people) during an all night frat house party where the main form of entertainment is a llama rodeo? I would take the llama rodeo in a heartbeat (mainly because I’ve never seen a llama rodeo before).

I know it was kind of…….well it was pretty dirty for Kiffin to put Tennessee in such a tight spot, but seriously people which would you rather have Moonshine or Cocaine?




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