15 01 2010

By: Rooney
Animals are born and bred with all kinds of interesting defense mechanisms – dogs bite, cats scratch, skunks spray their ass perfume, porcupines sink their quills in, jellyfish sting, and so on…..

But, I was thinking about this yesterday and, hands down, the worst defense mechanism award has to go to the female worker Bee. For those of you who have never heard this before, when a female worker bee stings you they will die within a matter of hours, no matter what! I mean seriously, how much does that suck? To me, the whole purpose of possessing a defense mechanism is to keep your self safe, protect from attack, and prevent death. But Nooooo….not for the unfortunate lady worker bee.

Imagine your self as a Mama worker Bee just chilling up in your honeycomb on a Saturday afternoon after a grueling week of hard labor. All of the sudden, you are confronted by a big ass, hairy black bear who has recently developed a sweet tooth and decided he is in the mood for some honey. You’re startled by intense scratching and grunting and your comb is registering 10.0 quakes on the Richter scale as this black bear tries to weasel his way through your front door. Your baby bees are all whining and scared, Papa Bee is out buzzing around somewhere, and you are all alone to deal with this monster – what do you do?

Naturally, any one would jump up, grab a Louisville Slugger, 9 iron, or a shot gun and go after the intruder – not the Mama worker Bee. Equipped with only one option, the Mama worker Bee must rely on her pointy, barbed stinger to get the black bear off her front porch. But, ain’t it a bitch to suddenly realize “If I sting this bear I’m going to die”…? All of your instincts and all of your emotions channel every ounce of your energy to stinging the living piss out of that damn bear, but in the end you will only find your self dead. Your beloved baby bees will be motherless and Papa Bee will come home to find you stingerless, wilting, and gasping your last few breaths of life on earth. Talk about a sad state of affairs resulting from simply trying to save your self, your family, and your home.

It’s unfortunate how heartless Mother Nature can be sometimes. To take a life to save a life is an inconsiderate and shameful act. And while the bulk of this teaching may be somber and hard to fathom, it is at least comforting to know that Papa Bee can sting the hell out of you as much as he wants and live to see another day. If I were that black bear I would be quick to recall an old Klingon Proverb – “Revenge is a dish best served cold.”

Good thing for hibernation.




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