Why Did My Boyfriend Break Up with Me? And How do I get Him Back?

14 07 2010

Women and girls of all ages have relationship issues.  When a relationship ends on the boyfriend’s timing, the girlfriend does one of three things.  First, she cries her eyes out and complains to her friends, until even they can’t take it anymore.  Second, she is relieved, do to the fact that she wanted the relationship to end a long time ago, yet, she did not have the “balls” to do it.  Thirdly, the betrothed girlfriend asks two questions.’Why did my boyfriend break up with me’, and ‘How can I get Him back?’  The answers to the first half of the question are as follows:

1. Your ass IS fat.

2. Your more annoying than you can imagine

3. He thought your baby fat would evenually go away… It hasn’t.

4. He thought you would have a decent job after you got that college degree…you don’t.

5. Your a woman and your place is in the kitchen, but your cooking skills are less than par.

6. Confidence is fine line between being prideful and complaining about your nonexistant love handles.  Quit complaining that your fat, and start walking around the house naked.

7. Your driving is horrendous.  Not really that important, but we needed a really pointless answer.

8.  Those botox shots make you have an angry face.

9.  The closet is full of 243 pairs of your shoes, yet 5 motorcycle parts in the garage drives you nuts.

10.  You don’t drink beer.  Remember beer is a big reason this relationship started in the first place.

11.  You’re too skinny. Yeah, thats right—your skin looks like its draped over bones and two balloons.  The implants don’t  look good on a skeleton, eat a steak for god’s sake.

12.  Substance during conversation IS important.  I can’t take all this stupid talk about the housewives, those idiots from Jersey, or some dancing noname.

13.  You listen to Justin Beiber…aaaannnddd you say things about him in your sleep…aaaaannnddd your 30.

Now to the second part of the question, ‘How do I get Him Back?’  The answer being—you don’t.  Move on.  Make a cake. Buy a puppy.  Watch an old Hepburn film.  Call your ex-exboyfriend.  Just quit calling me.

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Why do Soccer Players always act like they are hurt?

2 07 2010

After watching 10+ games of the 2010 World Cup, I have noticed players flopping around after getting nipped in the shins, several times a game. The answer is simple on this one. Soccer players are a bunch of whiny, complaining pussies. There you have it.