What Should I Occupy?

14 11 2011

By: Jeremy Green

I have an idea…

Occupy a Job Fair
Occupy Monster.com
Occupy a Temp Agency
Occupy a Day Labor Firm

These people claim to be the 99%…of what? All of my close friends get up every day and work their asses off and don’t whine and complain, because we are fortunate to live in a country where hard work can equal success, no matter your background. Everyone thinks they are entitiled to a job but aren’t willing to work hard for it. Simply graduating from college doesn’t mean you should be given a job. Work hard year after year, decade after decade, like so many people do, and I guarantee your loans will be paid off, and you will be able to effect a lot more change than you can protesting.

What is a Debt Ceiling?

27 07 2011

Very Complex Debt Ceiling Graph

With all the talk about America and its financial woes, we here at stupid answers found it pertinant to define what it is the media is talking about. Personally, it is probably some crap that doesn’t change anything and never mattered in the first place. However, ‘terror’ is the media’s new scheme to keep viewers tuned in, which helps with ratings. So, America’s financial woes may actually be paying off for someone— the media. Dang, this sound like Rupert Murdock owns our media empires.

We are getting off track. Let’s first look at the root of each word in ‘Debt Ceiling.” American heritage Dictionary defines the word debt as something owed, such as money, goods, or services.

An obligation or liability to pay or render something to someone else.
The condition of owing: a young family always in debt.

An offense requiring forgiveness or reparation; a trespass.

I think we can all agree the term ‘debt’ would be a negative or a downward trend. In our banking programs it would have a minus symbol and be fiery red, designating a loss or a number less than zero.

Secondly, lets define the word ‘ceiling.’ Ceilings are the overhead, interior surface of a structure. Again, we can all agree a ceiling is up, it is the top of a room, it is the highest point of a given place. Moving back to financial comparisons, your ceiling would be in the black, it would be profit.

So, to give you an answer that is not quite so stupid. The debt ceiling is ZERO. Aaaannnnddd, the term ‘Debt Ceiling’ is more stupid than this answer. The phrase should be debt floor, or debt foundation or debt fill dirt–something that indicates it is at the top of a negative, not the top of top something.

The only people that should be able to use the term ‘debt ceiling,’ are people who live in some parallel universe in the reflection of a lake.

(For you really stupid people, that would mean the reflection would be upside down, hence, the ceiling would be on the bottom.)

I know this makes no sense, but I don’t care.  After all, you’re the idiot who read this whole blog entry!

Who is the “Man with the Golden Voice?”

17 01 2011

What a great story to hear.  This story of a homeless man holding a sign and becoming another internet sensation.  Thank you youtube.  Well “The Man with the Golden Voice” is named Ted Williams.  He is a homeless man from New York, who now is supposedly doing Cleveland Cavalier’s announcing duties, but is now also in rehab.  Whhhaaaattt…a homeless man recovering from drug use. This is shocking.  And what better to help a recovering addict, than to throw him instantly into the limelight.  Ahhh, the media…oh how I love thee.

But really who is he. Who is this Ted Williams?  Who is this “Man with the Golden Voice?”  Well, let’s look at his attributes and link them to another person in the limelight:

1.  Ted Williams has an amazing speacking voice, yet, reads mostly what other’s write.

2.  Ted Williams looks to be of African American decent, with potentially a hint of Asian thrown in.

3.  He is a Democrat.  How do I know this? Well, he is homeless and probably loves government incentives. soooo…badda bing badda boom.

4.  Ted Williams has a great smile.

And finally, Ted Williams is a man of HOPE.  He is the absolute meaning of YES WE CAN.  Ted has received the AMERICAN DREAM.  Ted Williams is (drumroll please)……………………

BARACK OBAMA’S FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Just look at these pictures and tell me you are not 100% convinced.  BAM..stupid answers rocks and we are legit.

Barack Obama and His DAD

What is the United States Government Efficient at doing?

18 11 2010

Though I deal directly with local and state government more than national government, I ask this question to raise questioning on all government.  To give credit, where credit is due, our military is hands down the BEST IN THE WORLD in the combat arena.  Yet, they are not good on spending or in business relations.  Outside that, the following list gives a pretty complete rundown of our ‘efficient’ government.  Our government is efficient at:

1.  Spending tax payer money on gin martinis, girlfriends boob jobs, and elaborate food for stupid functions.  I mean think about the dollar amount DC spends specifically on food at their dumbass “Insert Any and I mean Any Name” Ball.

2.  The government officials are ‘efficient’ at cheating on their wives.  The Carolina’s are expecially good at this. 

3.  Botox—all you have to do is look at Pelosi’s face.  That is your tax money people and making a scary woman even scarier.

4.  Vacations.  Come on and jump on this thought train—Obama has traveled to more than 24 countries, meaning at least one country a month.  This does not include domestic travel.  Some say he is working, but I have gone on business trips too, and you work half the time—the rest is fun.

5. Wasting time.  We are sooo over governmentalized its unbelievable.  For an example, you need something reviewed by A OFFICE in government, but your reviewer is reviewed by a reviewer, who is reviewed by a boss, who has to check with another department, who doesn’t know about what is being requested, so they ask a third department who denies your request, because they don’t know what to do with what was sent to them, by a department which is not who you submitted too.

Wrap your head around that one people!!!! It’s a brain beater.

6.  And Finally, and most obvious. Blue suits.  If I see one more blue suit in congress…I’ll…I’ll…well, I don’t know what I will do, but it won’t be good.

So, there you have it.  Government is THE example of efficient, just like George W. was a good speaker.

What does “Seacrest Out” mean?

25 08 2010

Seacrest Out

To most people ‘Seacrest Out” is JUST Ryan Seacrest’s signature good bye and good night slang.  However, having a BS Psychology and a Doctorate in Why Hollywood Stars are Whacko, we see this slogan differently.  When “Seacrest Out” is expressed we see pain in those midget eyes.  “Seacrest Out” is really a cry for help.  It is a suicide note that needs to be addressed.  I mean the dude makes $40 million a year, he must be depressed.  Stupid Answers OUT! 

Note:  We also want to steal the line. Sooooo, if he is crazy, it will be easier to adopt.

Now what Mr. Dodson? What is next for this vigilante of homeboy rapists?

19 08 2010

Antione Dodson became an overnight Internet sensation after he was interviewed by the local news after saving his sister from an alleged rapist who broke into their home. After the incident Mr. Dodson challenged the attacker through a poignant slur of jargon by informing the attacker that he can “run and tell that” to the homeboy who broke into their home because he didn’t have to confess, due to the fact that Mr. Dodson and the police were looking for him and they were going to find him and then again informed the attacker that he could “run and tell that” to the homeboy. He also verbally jabbed the attacker by telling him that he “was so dumb” and that he had his T-shirt, fingerprints and description, and again repeated that he didn’t have to come and confess because they were going to find him and presumably, as I interpreted it, bring him to justice. Also, Mr. Dodson in what seemed to be out of respect for his community, informed the rest of the residents in the area that this attacker was climbin in peoples windows tryan to snatch your people up so ya’ll need to hide your kids, wife and whatever else that might not be firmly affixed to any of the interior or exterior structure of their homes. After the incident, Mr. Dodson’s popularity skyrocketed after a group calling themselves the Gregory Brothers created an R&B song of the interview. With all of this attention Mr. Dodson has become a national sensation which led us here at Stupid Answers to Great Questions ask the question, “Now what Mr. Dodson? What is next for this vigilante of homeboy rapists?”

After a brief and I mean extremely brief interview with Mr. Dodson, we have found out he now has plans to become a contract killer of homeboy rapists and attackers who climb in peoples windows and snatch people up. “After the attack, I realized that I have this 6th sense to run to danger and kick the sh***t out of anyone who climbs up in windows and doors trying to rape anything that moves” exclaimed Mr. Dodson. “I mean I don’t care if it’s the 25 year old with coffee brown skin with ceasar haircuts or the 90 year old grandma strung out on weed and Quaaludes, if theys trying to rape anyone, theys going to get jacked up” said Dodson.  Even though Dodson may have a natural impulse to save people from danger, where the mind is willing the body is weak. He is currently enrolled in the Boondock Saints school for vigilante justice in Cochituate, MA which is about an hour outside of Boston. “Even though I aint sceared of homeboy rapists, I realized that my homeboy rapist ass kicking skillz are not where theys needs to bees, I called the Saints and asked if I could run wit dem for a few months and kind of learn the tricks of the trade” explained Dodson. “I mean if I had any skillz, that homeboy mother f***er would have not gotten away. That’ll change though, the Saints will get me where I need to be.”

Once Dodson’s homeboy rapist killing training is complete, he plans on launching a marketing campaign that will inform homeboy rapists across the nation of his intentions so they can run and tell that to whomever or whatever they run and tell that to. “I’s plans on making a homeboy rapist killing uniform that I can wear anytime I have to kill a homeboy rapist” Dodson said. It almost sounds like Dodson is going to become a real life Batman like character, but without the bats and crazy car. However, Dodson plans on cruising the mean streets of Huntsville in his tricked out ice cream truck that will play the intruder song tune. “When that songs is blastin from my speakers, that will let the homeboy rapists knows I’m comin and that everyone needs to hide their wife, kids, poodles, sheeps or anything else that can be subject to a homeboy raping” shouted Dodson. Dodson went on to explain that the uniform, truck and alter ego will help separate himself from his normal everyday Clark Kent type lifestyle. He explained that it was important for him to not lose his true self in the midst of his homeboy rapist killings.

Dodson, also plans on creating a not-for-profit wife and kid hiding community center where when the homeboy rapists get out of hand with their rapings and beatings, people can bring their wife and kids to the center to be hidden during all of the commotion. “It’s just a place where wife and kids can get away just in case things get out of hand during my homeboy rapist killings” explained Dodson. The center will also hold classes one night a week that will teach people in the community how to hide their wives and kids from homeboy rapists if they can’t make it to the community center in time. In these classes, they are taught to hide wives and kids in places that a homeboy rapist my not look, for example, the pantry is a primary hiding spot. Because of the homeboy rapists rabid, insaciable appetite for illegal, forced, unconsentual sex the last thing on their mind is food and therefore the pantry is a good place to hide. Dodson explained that theoretically the refrigerator would be an even better spot, but because of the cold temperatures and lack of oxygen it would not be an environment condusive for the survival of wives in kids. “We would kind ofs bees defeating the purposes of saving our wives and kids if wees suggested that for a hiding spot” Dodson said with a homeboy killing grin.

With a recent statistical spike in the national homeboy rapist rapings there is a market for contract homeboy rapist killers. “It’s something that we need to get under control” said U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder. “It’s not only affected our economy and my popularity numbers, but I’m sure it’s got to be mind bottling for the victims too, we have got to get a handle on these homeboy rapists” said President Barrack Obama. “I already have enough to deal with from this oil spill to my intense vacation schedule, I don’t need this homeboy rapist thing to get out of hand”.  Therefore it seems as though our nation would welcome more Antione Dodson’s into this world.

Why Did My Boyfriend Break Up with Me? And How do I get Him Back?

14 07 2010

Women and girls of all ages have relationship issues.  When a relationship ends on the boyfriend’s timing, the girlfriend does one of three things.  First, she cries her eyes out and complains to her friends, until even they can’t take it anymore.  Second, she is relieved, do to the fact that she wanted the relationship to end a long time ago, yet, she did not have the “balls” to do it.  Thirdly, the betrothed girlfriend asks two questions.’Why did my boyfriend break up with me’, and ‘How can I get Him back?’  The answers to the first half of the question are as follows:

1. Your ass IS fat.

2. Your more annoying than you can imagine

3. He thought your baby fat would evenually go away… It hasn’t.

4. He thought you would have a decent job after you got that college degree…you don’t.

5. Your a woman and your place is in the kitchen, but your cooking skills are less than par.

6. Confidence is fine line between being prideful and complaining about your nonexistant love handles.  Quit complaining that your fat, and start walking around the house naked.

7. Your driving is horrendous.  Not really that important, but we needed a really pointless answer.

8.  Those botox shots make you have an angry face.

9.  The closet is full of 243 pairs of your shoes, yet 5 motorcycle parts in the garage drives you nuts.

10.  You don’t drink beer.  Remember beer is a big reason this relationship started in the first place.

11.  You’re too skinny. Yeah, thats right—your skin looks like its draped over bones and two balloons.  The implants don’t  look good on a skeleton, eat a steak for god’s sake.

12.  Substance during conversation IS important.  I can’t take all this stupid talk about the housewives, those idiots from Jersey, or some dancing noname.

13.  You listen to Justin Beiber…aaaannnddd you say things about him in your sleep…aaaaannnddd your 30.

Now to the second part of the question, ‘How do I get Him Back?’  The answer being—you don’t.  Move on.  Make a cake. Buy a puppy.  Watch an old Hepburn film.  Call your ex-exboyfriend.  Just quit calling me.