What Should I Occupy?

14 11 2011

By: Jeremy Green

I have an idea…

Occupy a Job Fair
Occupy Monster.com
Occupy a Temp Agency
Occupy a Day Labor Firm

These people claim to be the 99%…of what? All of my close friends get up every day and work their asses off and don’t whine and complain, because we are fortunate to live in a country where hard work can equal success, no matter your background. Everyone thinks they are entitiled to a job but aren’t willing to work hard for it. Simply graduating from college doesn’t mean you should be given a job. Work hard year after year, decade after decade, like so many people do, and I guarantee your loans will be paid off, and you will be able to effect a lot more change than you can protesting.

What is a Debt Ceiling?

27 07 2011

Very Complex Debt Ceiling Graph

With all the talk about America and its financial woes, we here at stupid answers found it pertinant to define what it is the media is talking about. Personally, it is probably some crap that doesn’t change anything and never mattered in the first place. However, ‘terror’ is the media’s new scheme to keep viewers tuned in, which helps with ratings. So, America’s financial woes may actually be paying off for someone— the media. Dang, this sound like Rupert Murdock owns our media empires.

We are getting off track. Let’s first look at the root of each word in ‘Debt Ceiling.” American heritage Dictionary defines the word debt as something owed, such as money, goods, or services.

An obligation or liability to pay or render something to someone else.
The condition of owing: a young family always in debt.

An offense requiring forgiveness or reparation; a trespass.

I think we can all agree the term ‘debt’ would be a negative or a downward trend. In our banking programs it would have a minus symbol and be fiery red, designating a loss or a number less than zero.

Secondly, lets define the word ‘ceiling.’ Ceilings are the overhead, interior surface of a structure. Again, we can all agree a ceiling is up, it is the top of a room, it is the highest point of a given place. Moving back to financial comparisons, your ceiling would be in the black, it would be profit.

So, to give you an answer that is not quite so stupid. The debt ceiling is ZERO. Aaaannnnddd, the term ‘Debt Ceiling’ is more stupid than this answer. The phrase should be debt floor, or debt foundation or debt fill dirt–something that indicates it is at the top of a negative, not the top of top something.

The only people that should be able to use the term ‘debt ceiling,’ are people who live in some parallel universe in the reflection of a lake.

(For you really stupid people, that would mean the reflection would be upside down, hence, the ceiling would be on the bottom.)

I know this makes no sense, but I don’t care.  After all, you’re the idiot who read this whole blog entry!

What is the United States Government Efficient at doing?

18 11 2010

Though I deal directly with local and state government more than national government, I ask this question to raise questioning on all government.  To give credit, where credit is due, our military is hands down the BEST IN THE WORLD in the combat arena.  Yet, they are not good on spending or in business relations.  Outside that, the following list gives a pretty complete rundown of our ‘efficient’ government.  Our government is efficient at:

1.  Spending tax payer money on gin martinis, girlfriends boob jobs, and elaborate food for stupid functions.  I mean think about the dollar amount DC spends specifically on food at their dumbass “Insert Any and I mean Any Name” Ball.

2.  The government officials are ‘efficient’ at cheating on their wives.  The Carolina’s are expecially good at this. 

3.  Botox—all you have to do is look at Pelosi’s face.  That is your tax money people and making a scary woman even scarier.

4.  Vacations.  Come on and jump on this thought train—Obama has traveled to more than 24 countries, meaning at least one country a month.  This does not include domestic travel.  Some say he is working, but I have gone on business trips too, and you work half the time—the rest is fun.

5. Wasting time.  We are sooo over governmentalized its unbelievable.  For an example, you need something reviewed by A OFFICE in government, but your reviewer is reviewed by a reviewer, who is reviewed by a boss, who has to check with another department, who doesn’t know about what is being requested, so they ask a third department who denies your request, because they don’t know what to do with what was sent to them, by a department which is not who you submitted too.

Wrap your head around that one people!!!! It’s a brain beater.

6.  And Finally, and most obvious. Blue suits.  If I see one more blue suit in congress…I’ll…I’ll…well, I don’t know what I will do, but it won’t be good.

So, there you have it.  Government is THE example of efficient, just like George W. was a good speaker.

What does “Seacrest Out” mean?

25 08 2010

Seacrest Out

To most people ‘Seacrest Out” is JUST Ryan Seacrest’s signature good bye and good night slang.  However, having a BS Psychology and a Doctorate in Why Hollywood Stars are Whacko, we see this slogan differently.  When “Seacrest Out” is expressed we see pain in those midget eyes.  “Seacrest Out” is really a cry for help.  It is a suicide note that needs to be addressed.  I mean the dude makes $40 million a year, he must be depressed.  Stupid Answers OUT! 

Note:  We also want to steal the line. Sooooo, if he is crazy, it will be easier to adopt.

Why Did My Boyfriend Break Up with Me? And How do I get Him Back?

14 07 2010

Women and girls of all ages have relationship issues.  When a relationship ends on the boyfriend’s timing, the girlfriend does one of three things.  First, she cries her eyes out and complains to her friends, until even they can’t take it anymore.  Second, she is relieved, do to the fact that she wanted the relationship to end a long time ago, yet, she did not have the “balls” to do it.  Thirdly, the betrothed girlfriend asks two questions.’Why did my boyfriend break up with me’, and ‘How can I get Him back?’  The answers to the first half of the question are as follows:

1. Your ass IS fat.

2. Your more annoying than you can imagine

3. He thought your baby fat would evenually go away… It hasn’t.

4. He thought you would have a decent job after you got that college degree…you don’t.

5. Your a woman and your place is in the kitchen, but your cooking skills are less than par.

6. Confidence is fine line between being prideful and complaining about your nonexistant love handles.  Quit complaining that your fat, and start walking around the house naked.

7. Your driving is horrendous.  Not really that important, but we needed a really pointless answer.

8.  Those botox shots make you have an angry face.

9.  The closet is full of 243 pairs of your shoes, yet 5 motorcycle parts in the garage drives you nuts.

10.  You don’t drink beer.  Remember beer is a big reason this relationship started in the first place.

11.  You’re too skinny. Yeah, thats right—your skin looks like its draped over bones and two balloons.  The implants don’t  look good on a skeleton, eat a steak for god’s sake.

12.  Substance during conversation IS important.  I can’t take all this stupid talk about the housewives, those idiots from Jersey, or some dancing noname.

13.  You listen to Justin Beiber…aaaannnddd you say things about him in your sleep…aaaaannnddd your 30.

Now to the second part of the question, ‘How do I get Him Back?’  The answer being—you don’t.  Move on.  Make a cake. Buy a puppy.  Watch an old Hepburn film.  Call your ex-exboyfriend.  Just quit calling me.

Why do Soccer Players always act like they are hurt?

2 07 2010

After watching 10+ games of the 2010 World Cup, I have noticed players flopping around after getting nipped in the shins, several times a game. The answer is simple on this one. Soccer players are a bunch of whiny, complaining pussies. There you have it.


17 02 2010

Seriously, what is so fascinating about The Cheesecake Factory? My wife and I stopped in on Valentine’s Day after dinner to grab a slice of cheesecake To-Go and the place was a freaking zoo! First, I had to drop my wife off to run in and get in line because I couldn’t find a parking spot within a half mile of the place. You would have thought Michael Jackson rose up from the dead and was holding a concert inside.

Once I parked and met her inside we waited about 15 minutes at the To-Go area to snag a slice of Chocolate Coconut cheesecake. That’s when I thought I was going to die. I was getting pelted by heart shaped balloons, everyone was fixated on their iPhones and Blackberries, and my precious white Nike’s were being trampled over like a 90 year old woman on crutches during the running of the bulls. Plus, I couldn’t even hear myself think it was so loud in there.

The cheesecake was good, I will give them that. But, the food? Well, the food in my opinion is mediocre at best. Just awful! That’s probably because their menu is bigger than my senior yearbook. How in the world can they serve fresh, halfway decent food when they have to stock a thousand different items daily? They must have an underground fridge the size of the governor’s mansion or something.

Truth is, The Cheesecake Factory is always slammed, and I don’t know why. Personally, I have never been there without having to wait at least than an hour for a table. No way am I going to sit there and wait in the circus lobby for mediocre food. Easily, you would have to plan out 3 hours minimum to eat at this place. Forget that noise!

The only credit I will give The Brutalcake Factory goes to the host and hostesses. They seriously must have some sort of degree in logistics to run that place and get people seated. I would be interested to see what the turn over rate for that position is. There has to be a new crop coming and going every month. Just too much stress to deal with. I know I could only take so much of hundreds of people staring at me every night and getting cranky while they wonder when their buzzer is going to vibrate.

Sad thing is, once the buzzer vibrates all they have to look forward to is thumbing through a novel to decide what’s for dinner and eating a less than average meal.

But, the cheesecake is good.