Is Janet Reno a Woman?

By: Dickey T

It’s funny that this question was asked by one of our readers, because of the slight relationship I personally have with Janet Reno.  Those who know Janet call her Big J.  I was introduced to Janet Reno (Big J) at a Chicago Cubs game.  Back in 1997 my season tickets where two rows up from Big J’s, and let me tell you something Reno is a huge Cubs fan.  There is nothing like hearing the Attorney General yelling, “He was out, you F*%king ump, put your glasses on…you ass!”

 

Through the season we had small talk about the Cubs, how they were playing, which under cover had the sniper rifle, and whether Newt Gingrich was gay or not…you know the norm.  About half way through the season I started noticing Janet leaving for the seventh inning stretch.  I wondered if it was her scheduled pee break or if she didn’t like to sing “Take me out to the ballgame,” I didn’t know what it was; but I do know a true Cubs fan sings the damn song during the 7^th inning stretch.  The longer the season went on the more this started to really piss me off.

 

It was the last week of the season and the Cubs were completely out of it.  The game was more of a drinking affair than anything else at this point.  After 5 tall boys, I decided I would make my move and follow Big J during the stretch.  Sure enough, seventh inning and up Reno went. I was hot on her heals; right turn, left turn, around the fat guy with three hot dogs, and into a door saying ‘PERSONEL ONLY.”  From a distance, I saw Big J look into a mirror and put something on her face.  She then entered a little room and picked up a microphone and began to sing, and not just any old song—-THE SONG, with the same voice as Harry Caray. 

 

That’s when it hit me.  Janet Reno is not a woman, she is a he and he is actually Harry Caray.  The Harry Caray!  I know your saying this is all crap, however, the next time you see Janet Reno on TV, listen real carefully.  You’ll hear it.  Harry Caray is not dead, he is actually the ex-attorney general.  Ask Will Farrell he’ll tell yeah the same thing.